Sooooo excited for my spa day with my wonderful friend Elaine Cragg who bought this experience for my birthday back in June. I am all packed and waiting for the look of surprise when I arrive with my suitcase for one day. Mock not, I was a girl guide and I am always prepared for every eventuality. I have a medical kit which is packed for every medical procedure possible from athlete’s foot to open heart surgery. Honestly, I really have.
So I will be swanning around in my undies and dressing gown for most of the day (don’t try and picture that…….. it’s not an image you want to dwell on). I have my bathing costume packed so I can float around like a beached whale, a smile of contentment on my face before lying down on the massage treatment table ready to drift off into the land of deep relaxation.
Flashback now to the last time I got onto one of those tables finding it extremely difficult to relax. Why oh why are the beds so damn narrow? I was trying to keep my arms by my side which I found quite uncomfortable, however, surrounded by the beautiful peaceful music and the scent of aromatherapy oils, I eventually drifted off. I woke with a shock as my arms fell off the treatment table and I jumped up and almost nutted the therapist who dropped her oils on the floor. She was good, very good. All she did was smile and ask me once more to relax so she could continue. This time I clamped my hands under my rather good sized bottom and tried to relax. It wasn’t easy. Then came the next bit, you know what I mean I’m sure, when they hold the towel up in front of them to cover your modesty and look away before asking you to turn over. Now I struggle to turn over in my double bed never mind on something that resembles a ruler. And so it began. The shuffling. By now all relaxation was long gone and I heaved myself onto my front. I was sure I heard a stifled giggle behind the towel. Now if you’re big busted like me it’s a problem. If I go a bra size bigger I will be looking for something that resembles two bin lids and a piece of rope. They have a face hole for your comfort, so why, before now, has someone not invented boob holes. Good idea? Might get myself on Dragons Den. Anyway, a bit more sliding and shuffling, and I eventually landed and the towel was expertly laid over me. It was then I passed wind. There was towel movement, I just know it. Is there any greater shame. We all do it, some of us are highly and utterly embarrassed about it yet it happens and sometimes there is nothing, absolutely nothing that we can do about it. Fortunately, the scent of the aromatherapy oils was stronger. Bless her. She muttered something in her sweet, gentle little voice about it all being perfectly natural. She wanted me to relax. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there forever.
Maybe I should have shared this story with Elaine before tomorrow so she knows what she’s in for.
I am absolutely thrilled to be spending a whole day lounging around, laughing with my friend of over fifty years, eating, drinking and talking none stop. I have decided on this occasion to keep my clothes on for the massage (well most of them) and have a neck, head and face massage. I should be safe with that. However, you know me, anything could happen.
Happy Friday everyone, I will return next week to let you know how it all went.